From Abby Ellin’s first date with the Commander, she was caught up in a whirlwind. Within six months he’d proposed, and they’d moved in together. But soon, his exotic stories of international espionage began to unravel. Finally, it all became clear: he was lying about who he was.
After leaving him and sharing her story, she was floored to find out that her experience was far from unique. People everywhere, many of them otherwise sharp-witted and self-aware, are being deceived by their loved ones every day.
In Duped, Abby Ellin studies the art and science of lying, talks to people who’ve had their worlds upended by duplicitous partners, and writes with great openness about her own mistakes. These remarkable stories reveal how often we encounter people whose lives beneath the surface are more improbable than we ever imagined.
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“Duped” is testament to the deep and enduring damage deception can inflict. What people don’t know hurts them. Reading “Duped” gave me occasion to second-guess even gentler deceptions; it may actually have made me a (slightly) better person. Which is more than I can say for many a better book.
Abby Ellin also visits this week, to discuss her new book, “Duped: Double Lives, False Identities, and the Con Man I Almost Married.” “When somebody is lying to you about being in the C.I.A. and being a Navy Seal and being responsible for this secret operation and that secret operation, you can’t verify it,” Ellin says. “Even if I wanted to, it would have been hard. And also, I didn’t think that was a loving way to kick off a relationship.”
“at its best, the book is charged by curiosity about what people need from each other, and the lies and suspensions of disbelief that sometimes help them get it.”
